LOL @ bike for sale - Houston-Imports.com

Gooback · 08-29-2008, 04:07 PM

Quote:

Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don’t know, I’m not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you’re way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan’s mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying “FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME”.

The bike says Giant on the side because it’s referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that’s bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a dickless lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you’re going to love this thing because it doesn’t try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I’ve topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four”.

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don’t give me no panzy prices)

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 765370039

I mean seriously who comes up with this shit

J Stuff · 08-29-2008, 04:08 PM

hah nice

OdyOwnage · 08-29-2008, 04:09 PM

Bike Scientist?

PornItos · 08-29-2008, 04:09 PM

Bike scientist?

dTran33 · 08-29-2008, 04:09 PM

nappyrat · 08-29-2008, 04:10 PM

ScionGuyizCool · 08-29-2008, 04:13 PM

omg funniest shit ive read in a while lol

JesseCrx · 08-29-2008, 04:13 PM

That ad is pure comedy gold!

Winthrop · 08-29-2008, 04:15 PM

D_Money · 08-29-2008, 04:23 PM

fucking christ i couldn't stop laughing the entire time i was reading

EvoEntropy · 08-29-2008, 04:23 PM

Thats awesome

Vick_ · 08-29-2008, 04:24 PM

Quote:

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that’s bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a dickless lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

I wanna meet this character.

KHAN CONNECTION · 08-29-2008, 04:25 PM

hahahah 5 stars

lovebomber · 08-29-2008, 04:25 PM

thats freakin awesome... tempted to buy the bike just cuz of the ad.

JDMXJOE · 08-29-2008, 04:26 PM

lol not shaped like a dildo.

Jeebus · 08-29-2008, 04:26 PM

Quote:

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you’re going to love this thing because it doesn’t try to penetrate your ass or anything

winc281 · 08-29-2008, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D_Money

fucking christ i couldn't stop laughing the entire time i was reading

yeah same here

fkn broke a 1 armed guys arm in 7 different places

xtel · 08-29-2008, 04:27 PM

cute.

Mr.TxHustla · 08-29-2008, 04:28 PM

Funny shit..lol

JDMXJOE · 08-29-2008, 04:29 PM

The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four

LOL

08-29-2008, 04:09 PM	#5
dTran33 abph inc. Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: texas Posts: 645 Car: 08escalade/07TL/09g37 iTrader: (3)	rofl

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08-29-2008, 04:08 PM	#2
J Stuff www.j-stuff.net Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: SW Houston Posts: 21,292 Car: 98 GS400, 94 LS400 iTrader: (80)	hah nice

08-29-2008, 04:09 PM	#3
OdyOwnage K-Series Swap Supporter Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Houston, Tx. Posts: 16,331 Car: 2000 Honda Odyssey iTrader: (51) Blog Entries: 1	Bike Scientist?

08-29-2008, 04:09 PM	#4
PornItos Banned Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 8,749 Car: 03 RSX-S iTrader: (5)	Bike scientist?

08-29-2008, 04:10 PM	#6
nappyrat đẹp trai Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Houston Posts: 8,531 Car: Loaded Dervish iTrader: (40)

08-29-2008, 04:13 PM	#7
ScionGuyizCool im blessed Join Date: May 2005 Location: W.Bellfort & Piper Posts: 10,161 Car: Timberlands iTrader: (1)	omg funniest shit ive read in a while lol

08-29-2008, 04:13 PM	#8
JesseCrx A Man of Increase Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 6,578 Car: Economical Honda iTrader: (32) Blog Entries: 1	That ad is pure comedy gold!

08-29-2008, 04:15 PM	#9
Winthrop cigarettes&coffee Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: East Texas Posts: 12,112 Car: 03 WRX iTrader: (0)

08-29-2008, 04:23 PM	#10
D_Money daily hatin' Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: cypress Posts: 2,740 Car: 05 vortec iTrader: (0)	fucking christ i couldn't stop laughing the entire time i was reading

08-29-2008, 04:23 PM	#11
EvoEntropy Team ChadMod\|SuperRacing\| Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Katy Posts: 1,358 Car: AMS EVO iTrader: (2) Blog Entries: 2	Thats awesome

08-29-2008, 04:25 PM	#13
KHAN CONNECTION Pull Up Selecta Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: NW Posts: 4,308 Car: 01 Mazda 626 LXV6 iTrader: (0)	hahahah 5 stars

08-29-2008, 04:25 PM	#14
lovebomber IsYourLoveReallyLOVE? Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: IN the PIT! Posts: 2,573 Car: 09 Tacoma iTrader: (5)	thats freakin awesome... tempted to buy the bike just cuz of the ad.

08-29-2008, 04:26 PM	#15
JDMXJOE HID slim kits for 120 Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houstonish Posts: 9,258 Car: Ford Fiesta iTrader: (105)	lol not shaped like a dildo.

08-29-2008, 04:27 PM	#18
xtel Banned Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Katy Posts: 8,778 Car: Toyota iTrader: (79)	cute.

08-29-2008, 04:28 PM	#19
Mr.TxHustla Im Blowin' Up! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Deuce Ward,TX Posts: 19,791 Car: 07 Dodge Charger iTrader: (45)	Funny shit..lol

08-29-2008, 04:29 PM	#20
JDMXJOE HID slim kits for 120 Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Houstonish Posts: 9,258 Car: Ford Fiesta iTrader: (105)	The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four LOL