Guys: Tired Of Jacking Off? There's Hope For You!!

[DJ®]

Read this guys thread:

http://www.sex-project.com/1/index.php?PHPSESSID=aed2ef9e44f7d7914bdb2f6ece50b5 07&topic=2866.msg36920#msg36920

:eek3:

[Grease_Munky]

:eek3: What the fuck....just what the fuck.

[adam gs-r]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Copied and pasted for everyone!

A big dick and a limber body don't belong to everyone, but if you can already get pretty close there are a few tricks you can do to improve and hopefully, get that incredible rush that comes when you finally make contact between your tongue and your own dick.

I first sucked my 9 inch dick at age fourteen and I think an early start helps. I laid off for a good ten years and when I started again, it took work to get back in contact. I've been doing it again for about two years, but lately have come to the belief that practice *definitely* pays off. Before, I could only lick the tip with real strain, legs thrown over my head. Now I am getting the whole juicy head in my mouth plus some shaft, and I can lick halfway down my dick and taste my balls. I can also now suck it standing up and sitting down.

Some tips:

Don't even bother trying in the morning. Most people are too stiff when they wake up. At end of day, your body's a lot looser.
A full stomach holds you back.
Stretching is a huge help. Here's a few starters:
Legs together in front of you, seated on the floor. Lean forward, stretching your upper torso lengthwise across legs. Reach hands past feet to lengthen your back. Go back and forth between this position and the same stretch with soles of feet together/knees pointed out, rounding your back more than with straight leg version (tuck your head under. Do it naked! Look at that dick!)
Sit upright on floor with one heel at crotch and the other leg extended straight out as far to the side as you can bring it. Slowly bring your chest down over the extended leg. Take your time, this is a good one for loosening both your back and your hips.
Lie on stomach, hands at shoulders. Push up so your back arches backward. Hold, crane your neck upward, lengthen your spine.
Loosen your neck. It helps ease the stretch.
There are many more stretches, and taking a few yoga classes, you'll probably choose a few that really help.
Try different techniques. Head-over-heels is usually a good warmup. Try standing up and grabbing your thighs from behind. Pull outward with your back so your spine loosens and gets used to being rounded. Always focus on your dick. Move this grip up and down your thighs to the position that feels closest to your dickhead and remember (always) to TILT YOUR HIPS toward your face so that dick head gets closer. Don't expect to reach it the first time... or the tenth. But try this, then go back to head over heels and see if you're closer.
Use a mirror! Visualizing is half the battle. And if you prop a mirror on the back of your thighs while you're head-over-heels, seeing how close your hardon is to your mouth will help you get a lot closer -- the effect is wild. Don't get too crazy. Pop your load (it's hot seeing that, too) before you break your back.
Propping feet on the wall or something is good for head-over-heels, basically because it helps you to arch your back where it may not be used to arching. Push on the wall and you can bring your hips down closer to your face.

These are just a few tips. Don't rush things. Spend an hour stretching three nights a week for a week or two before you even give it a try. Obviously, a lot of exploring helps. You have to remember to use that idle time to your advantage! (Trust me, it's fucking worth it).

Written and submitted by "Buck9"

[yourmom25]

gross.

[king_of_HTX]

First paragraph is already enough... That kid needs to die A.S.A.P.

[arkive43]

:barf:

[xxnensiexx]

man do u post there?! how did u ever find that?!?! gross....

[DJ®]

half you muthafuckas are gonna try that shit tonight

[DJ®]

man do u post there?! how did u ever find that?!?! gross....

I don't need to post. With threads like that on there, everything has been said already.

But yes, I do read it.....there's some good shit on there.

[arkive43]

lol im definatly going home and trying that.....ima be like babe watch this. tell me if it turns you on... :gonk:

[xxnensiexx]

I don't need to post. With threads like that on there, everything has been said already.

But yes, I do read it.....there's some good shit on there.
really?! like tips and stuff?! hey that's fine, there's nothing wrong with getting educated... =)

[DJ®]

really?! like tips and stuff?! hey that's fine, there's nothing wrong with getting educated... =)

everything

[beeminIS]

why are ya'll all worked up and gross out over this. you have to be a minimum of nine inches to even attempt this so that eliminates about 95% of ya'll...

[shooitzlinh]

WTF!

[eN_2_Oh]

im not that grossed out since ive heard of that before, yes it is sick. but there are sick ppl in this world with sick fetishes that all need to die a horrible slow and painful bloody cold death.

but yes it is gross.
but is it as gross as doin it then nuttin in ur own mouth as some seem to go that far??


and no. i have not, nor hav i even thought of it, or ever will. but i have been introduced to it before.

[1990hatch]

:eh:

[Riceracer]

the ones that are replying...are they serious?!?!?! wtf

[katie]

I was also reading the replies also... Everyone seems so proud.

[al]

haha ttt123 is a self-dick sucker who licks his own cum

[xchrisonfiyax]

hahaha i stopped reading after the first sentence...man thats just fukin gross haha.....that man has issues

[chevyman85]

hahaha i stopped reading after the first sentence...man thats just fukin gross haha.....that man has issues

damnit your avatar is makin me jack off :hsugh:

[Replica]

why are ya'll all worked up and gross out over this. you have to be a minimum of nine inches to even attempt this so that eliminates about 95% of ya'll...
a nine incher is really out of the ordinary.....but here come the 800 posts of people with nine inches of meat....

[koalaznbear]

I was reading through some of those topics and I found this:




hi i have a rather funny question.... my boyfreind wants to try anal sex, and i dont mind the whole concept of it at all. but the anus isnt like the vagina, the vagina will go back to like a being in a normal state. will my butt-hole stay "open" lolz, cuz my bf is big!! i dun need to be walking around with a big butt-hole!


:roflmao:

[Costas]

I was reading through some of those topics and I found this:







:roflmao:
lolol

[Bomb0314]

:barf:

[penguin]

half you muthafuckas are gonna try that shit tonight


Half? I think that's a very conservative estimate lol.

It's not gay if it's your dog!
/roadtrip

[adam gs-r]

Dont you guys remember that SNL skit where Will Ferrell is sucking his own dick in a Yoga class? :roflmao:

[4doorjdmwhore]

:hsugh::hsugh::hsugh::hsugh::hsugh:

[TLontheDL]

or this *nws on the link*

http://www.pumpster.com/archives/handmade_vagina.htm

or better yet:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/ispeakvinglish/Misc%20pics%20II/diy_blowjob_machine.jpg

[Jamiroquai]

First paragraph is already enough... That kid needs to die A.S.A.P.

[drunkenmaster]

adam we found your solution!

[heyitsryan]

sick

[slowsleeper]

So if you suck your own hotdog, then does that make you gay? :gonk: :barf:

[xxnensiexx]

So if you suck your own hotdog, then does that make you gay? :gonk: :barf:
i know right.... that's what i was thinking.... does it does it?!?!

[DJ®]

i know right.... that's what i was thinking.... does it does it?!?!

Well, let me ask you this

Question 1: have you ever masturbated?

[tien]

wow lol

[adam gs-r]

or this *nws on the link*

http://www.pumpster.com/archives/handmade_vagina.htm


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :roflmao:

[Carl EBJR]

Well, let me ask you this

Question 1: have you ever masturbated?
yeah man but come on the guy is putting his lips around his willy wacker. You can flog your dolphin or even use a sex doll but think about when the dude cums it's lke the nut is going to shoot somewhere on his mouth. One more thing and this should be on the down low this guy I knew in High school came to school one day and told us that he attempted this and he fucked up his back hardcore.

[Carl EBJR]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I am going to try that thing out with the fan though definitely and I am not being sarcastic.

[240sxboi]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I am going to try that thing out with the fan though definitely and I am not being sarcastic.
you're gonna die.
edit: i think we overloaded their servers.

[DJ®]

yeah man but come on the guy is putting his lips around his willy wacker.

Here's my view on this:

......if another guy jacked you off, that would be gay right? But it's ok it you do it to yourself.

Whether your nut is on your hand or on your chin.......it's only gay if another dude was "helping" you, just my opinion.

[SAR05]

Here's my view on this:

......if another guy jacked you off, that would be gay right? But it's ok it you do it to yourself.

Whether your nut is on your hand or on your chin.......it's only gay if another dude was "helping" you, just my opinion.
I agree. I dont have a penis, but I agree. What is the difference?

The article turned me on....a little. :stare:

[DJ®]

I agree. I dont have a penis, but I agree. What is the difference?

The article turned me on....a little. :stare:

werd, you know if you could eat yourself out, you would!!

[axio]

they had a SNL about that exact topic a while back

[SAR05]

Oh...I totally would!!!! I wouldn't consider that gay at all.

I mean for all those guys here that said it is nasty and gay, what if your girl ate her self out. You know damn well you could get off to that.

[adam gs-r]

they had a SNL about that exact topic a while back
Dont you guys remember that SNL skit where Will Ferrell is sucking his own dick in a Yoga class?

[JesseCrx]

RANDAL
That's nothing compared to how my
cousin Walter died.

DANTE
How'd he die?

RANDAL
Broke his neck.

DANTE
That's embarrassing?

RANDAL
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

Absolute silence. Then...




DANTE
Shut the hell up.

RANDAL
Bible truth.

DANTE
Stop it.

RANDAL
I swear.

DANTE
Oh, my god.

RANDAL
Come on. Haven't you ever tried to
suck your own dick?

DANTE
No!

RANDAL
Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

DANTE
Because I never tried to suck my
own dick?

RANDAL
No, because you won't admit to it.
As if a guy's a fucking pervert
because he tries to go down on
himself. You're as curious as the
rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

DANTE
Who found him?

RANDAL
My cousin? My aunt found him. On
his bed, doubled over himself with
his legs on top. Dick in his mouth.
My aunt freaked out. It was a mess.

DANTE
His dick was in his mouth?

RANDAL
Balls resting on his lips.

DANTE
He made it, huhh?

RANDAL
Yeah, but at what a price.

Silence. Then...

DANTE
I could never reach.

RANDAL
Reach what?

DANTE
You know.

RANDAL
What, your dick?

DANTE
Yeah. Like you said, you know. I
guess everyone tries it, sooner or
later.

RANDAL
I never tried it.

DANTE glares at RANDAL. Silence. Then...

RANDAL
FUCKING PERVERT........

[Sam_J84]

haha, omg

[Urban Communications]

wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[XAoPillz]

HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA :rofl:

[TopSeller]

RANDAL
That's nothing compared to how my
cousin Walter died.

DANTE
How'd he die?

RANDAL
Broke his neck.

DANTE
That's embarrassing?

RANDAL
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

Absolute silence. Then...




DANTE
Shut the hell up.

RANDAL
Bible truth.

DANTE
Stop it.

RANDAL
I swear.

DANTE
Oh, my god.

RANDAL
Come on. Haven't you ever tried to
suck your own dick?

DANTE
No!

RANDAL
Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

DANTE
Because I never tried to suck my
own dick?

RANDAL
No, because you won't admit to it.
As if a guy's a fucking pervert
because he tries to go down on
himself. You're as curious as the
rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

DANTE
Who found him?

RANDAL
My cousin? My aunt found him. On
his bed, doubled over himself with
his legs on top. Dick in his mouth.
My aunt freaked out. It was a mess.

DANTE
His dick was in his mouth?

RANDAL
Balls resting on his lips.

DANTE
He made it, huhh?

RANDAL
Yeah, but at what a price.

Silence. Then...

DANTE
I could never reach.

RANDAL
Reach what?

DANTE
You know.

RANDAL
What, your dick?

DANTE
Yeah. Like you said, you know. I
guess everyone tries it, sooner or
later.

RANDAL
I never tried it.

DANTE glares at RANDAL. Silence. Then...

RANDAL
FUCKING PERVERT........

fantastic!!!

[tribal dude]

i was thinkin of the movie "clerks" when i started to read this, LOL!1!!!11!

:bow:

[ashley]

two words. maryln(sp?) manson...took out a rib so he could do this....sick

[DJ®]

two words. maryln(sp?) manson...took out a rib so he could do this....sick

rumor

[slowsleeper]

Here's my view on this:

......if another guy jacked you off, that would be gay right? But it's ok it you do it to yourself.

Whether your nut is on your hand or on your chin.......it's only gay if another dude was "helping" you, just my opinion.
OK, I would counter with this (not disagreeing with you, but looking at it in another way):
It's natural to touch your pet trouser snake with your hands, but it is unnatural to touch your cock with your lips. If you are heteromale, then any gayness would be unnatural (eg sucking penis, tonguing another guy, etc). Therefore, if gayness is unnatural for you and wrapping your lips around your cock is also unnatural, then wouldnt wrapping your lips around your penis be considered gayness since both are unnatural? In other words:

your cock +your lips = unnatural
gayness = unnatural
SO, ----> your cock + your lips = gayness:dunno::rofl:

[DJ®]

your cock +your lips = unnatural
gayness = unnatural
SO, ----> your cock + your lips = gayness:dunno::rofl:

Yeah, and you could say the EXACT same thing in regards to guys who have anal sex with women.

[ninjapleazee]

DJ.. i'm jus wonderin how u came across this bro... :stare:

[DJ®]

DJ.. i'm jus wonderin how u came across this bro... :stare:

lol, what do you want to hear, my sarcastic response, or my real response?

[ashley]

rumor
how do yoouuu know :P....he looks sick enough to do it...but i shouldnt judge by looks

[ashley]

Yeah, and you could say the EXACT same thing in regards to guys who have anal sex with women.

um...difference is that they're not anal-ing other men..they're anal-ing women :D and i dont see him mentioning anything about parts of other people but yourself :hsugh: ...so how does that regard men who anal women? jw :]

[DJ®]

um...difference is that they're not anal-ing other men..they're anal-ing women :D and i dont see him mentioning anything about parts of other people but yourself :hsugh: ...so how does that regard men who anal women? jw :]

huh?

anyway, my point was.....though I've never tried to suck myself off, nor anal sex....I wouldn't consider someone a "homosexual" if they did it (eventhough I don't understand what's why some dudes are into it).

What's in that article is just another form of masturbation IMO.

[ninjapleazee]

lol, what do you want to hear, my sarcastic response, or my real response?
:roflmao: will this effect my view of you? :roflmao: :thumb:

[DJ®]

:roflmao: will this effect my view of you? :roflmao: :thumb:

my sarcastic response would :D

[bluelude01]

haha ttt123 is a self-dick sucker who licks his own cum

haha...are they honestly serious?...like what THE fack...i think i just threw up in my mouth

[s2kGirl]

:gross:

[I ball you fall]

i feel the throw up coming out....

[J Stuff]

"It took me a few years of yoga and deep stretching before I could get my cock into my mouth. It started as just a lick of the tip. Eventuallly I could get the head into my mouth,"

[treyg]

lol. You jack off with your own hand don't you ? That doesn't make you gay does it? I wouldn't go as far as drinking my own sperm.

Fact is everyones gay to an extent. You like guys in porn to fuck with little tiny dicks, or do you like guys with big dicks fuckin the women ? If you said big dicks, there is your level of gayness.

[Vincent]

RANDAL
That's nothing compared to how my
cousin Walter died.

DANTE
How'd he die?


:roflmao:

Is that the SNL skit?

[Onrie]

hell yeah all i have to do issuck anlick and like 2 minutes later i have cum all over myself then i lick it all off


:eek3:

[VINCENT 2 FLY]

Buwhahaha.

[tiedupfool]

Read this guys thread:

http://www.sex-project.com/1/index.php?PHPSESSID=aed2ef9e44f7d7914bdb2f6ece50b5 07&topic=2866.msg36920#msg36920

:eek3:
reminds me of that scene in Clerks ! ! !

[Sloshy]

i think thats gay

[accordvtec]

thats sick

[Johnny Thunders]

it was so aswome i never new my cock tasted so good

:ugh:

[93240sx]

why are ya'll all worked up and gross out over this. you have to be a minimum of nine inches to even attempt this so that eliminates about 95% of ya'll...

not true. 8 1/4 seems to be fine.

"back off bitch i can do it myself."
^
scary movie 2 (i believe)

[93240sx]

RANDAL
That's nothing compared to how my
cousin Walter died.

DANTE
How'd he die?

RANDAL
Broke his neck.

DANTE
That's embarrassing?

RANDAL
He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.

Absolute silence. Then...




DANTE
Shut the hell up.

RANDAL
Bible truth.

DANTE
Stop it.

RANDAL
I swear.

DANTE
Oh, my god.

RANDAL
Come on. Haven't you ever tried to
suck your own dick?

DANTE
No!

RANDAL
Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

DANTE
Because I never tried to suck my
own dick?

RANDAL
No, because you won't admit to it.
As if a guy's a fucking pervert
because he tries to go down on
himself. You're as curious as the
rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

DANTE
Who found him?

RANDAL
My cousin? My aunt found him. On
his bed, doubled over himself with
his legs on top. Dick in his mouth.
My aunt freaked out. It was a mess.

DANTE
His dick was in his mouth?

RANDAL
Balls resting on his lips.

DANTE
He made it, huhh?

RANDAL
Yeah, but at what a price.

Silence. Then...

DANTE
I could never reach.

RANDAL
Reach what?

DANTE
You know.

RANDAL
What, your dick?

DANTE
Yeah. Like you said, you know. I
guess everyone tries it, sooner or
later.

RANDAL
I never tried it.

DANTE glares at RANDAL. Silence. Then...

RANDAL
FUCKING PERVERT........

fuckin great movie btw.

DANTE
My girlfriend sucked 36 guys dicks!

CUSTOMER
In a row?

[Dave C]

lmao wtf kind of shit.. that kid really got into the story

[ProjektSol]

wtf man this is fucked up

[Limeade]

Ok this is just fking sick, I came into this thread drunk, and now I'm soer, thanks a fukin lot!